Talent hunt!!!

My certification exam is coming towards me like a drunk and unbathed Gulshan Grover staggering towards a cowering and trembling girl who took refuge from the rain in one of his luxurious bedrooms. In the movies , the girl generally pulls out a seven inch knife from the apple basket lying on the side table , positions it right over her tummy and yells "Kutte , ek kadam bhee aage badaya to main khud ko khatm karr dungi". But I do not feel any amount of artillery positioned over any part of my anatomy can halt the oncoming ghost called exam . So I better gear up unless I want to go jobless and then end up as an anti social element , stealing vada paav to feed my kids and wives(dnt be serious,just checking ur reading skills) and girlfriends.

As a part of this "get certified to switch" preparation , I sat down to work on my resume yesterday. I looked at a blank word document and typed down each and every achievement of mine .But even after that , page space enough to fit in the entire voters list of UP remained. So to come out of this I have to add a lot of value to it. This is what I m preparing for all my certifications.

If something has been come up in the name of sports world, this is what I remembered the school days.

When I was born , I was a baby with baby fat enough to make butter naans for half the colony. And that is all right , I guess babies are like pay cheques - they look good when they are fat. But hanuman jee kee leela dekho , I was born into a family with a granny who fed grains to sparrows in the morning and oily food to her grandson for the rest of the day. So at a tender age , when I had no nails or teeth to scratch and bite in self defence and could just murmer "nana..mamama...umm" ( No I am not hungry ) , she made me eat and eat to make sure I retained a major part of my precious baby fat even when I entered school .

So that made me as much "suitable-for-sports" as Nana Patekar is for the role of Leo Caprio in Titanic. Like any 'deshbhakt' little fat indian kid , cricket was my first love . And cricket was fun , as long as I was watching it on TV. When I went out to play , tall and lean boys gave me that "Go play Ludo" look . I was always the curly haired little kid who was pleading- "Ayye bunty , bat de na , mujhe batting karne de na" , "Ayye rahul , ball de na , mujhe fast balling aati hai acchi wali " , "Ayye Vikky , mere andar ke cricketer ka gala matt ghott. mujh par taras khaa zaalim. Mujhe batting open karrne de ".

But no bunty or Rahul or Vikky ever ate any taras on the budding and well hidden cricketer in me . So one day I decided ki bhaiyya , bott ho gaya public mein humiliation , boundary ke side mein fielding karte karte budaapa aa jayega .And I hung my bat and walked away into the sunset , never to return to cricket again .

Since then , I have had myself humiliated , laughed at , beaten and thrown away out of sporting career of cricket world. Then it was the time to prove like some hindi movie where hero after getting failed, saying “kasam paida karne wale ki main ye kar dunga,main vo kar dunga” .And the same has been done by me, I was one of the good football player during my graduation and PG. Not even football, I too play cricket very well now there seems to be nothing which gives me a feel like a looser in any of sport I have played .

Ok , it is six in the morning and I think I will go for a gym now. No no no , do not get me wrong , gymnesium is not my next sporting passion .

Before I go , a very very gud morning to you buddies .You be the good person you have always wanted to be , and if you see a little fat kid pleading before big and lean guys and saying "Mujhe batting karne do please" , walk over , slap the big kids unke respective kaan ke neeche and hand over the bat to the little fat kid with a smile , and lastly , maintain peace in the new fresh morning.

Maybe my son will grow up to be some star soccer player who is signed up by a fancy club and makes girls scream at super sonic levels when he steps out of his red sports car , or some champion boxer who chomps on ears and strips topless and beats dark and bald muscular men on TV. But you wont see me on ESPN or any sports channel in this lifetime of mine , unless I am picked up by some channel to dress into a noodle straps blouse and replace Mandira Bedi , which , I somehow feel , is slightly improbable .Have Fun.